My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am available for nakedness
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
