i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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