I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
