remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
