It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
