I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
