I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
