is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
