: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
