Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
