I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
