Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
