Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
