No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
