U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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