Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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