If that was your dad, he is hot
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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