Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
