Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
