my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
