why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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