well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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