how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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