I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
