"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
