Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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