i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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