Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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