Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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