Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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