And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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