I think my fart just growled at me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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