yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
