Cold hands, warm shart.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
