Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
