You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
