And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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