how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
