I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
