I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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