Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
