the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
