i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
