she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
