In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
