You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
