I accidentally burped into my bong.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
