In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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