My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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