i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
