standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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